how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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