He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
