The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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