Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
