So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
