I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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