end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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