glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
