Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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