Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize