WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize