:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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