Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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