Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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