i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Who did Billy Mays play for?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
