I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
