Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
