Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
