I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
