hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
