Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
