I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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