It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
