i need an iv and a liver transplant
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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