Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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