My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
