Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
