we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
