You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
