So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Randomize
