Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
