Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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