She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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