honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
