I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
