i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize