apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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