When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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