I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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