6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
