it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Randomize
