Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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