dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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