I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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