Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
