Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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