I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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