I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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