i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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