I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
