so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
