Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am one with the molecules
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
