I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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