she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
