Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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