Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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