Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
