How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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