Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
