Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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