this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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