Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
