SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
whose ass print is on the piano?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
