There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize