i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
