Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
