we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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