the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
