Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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