there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
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