The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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