its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
