dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
