i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My dick has a subreddit
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
