You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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