Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I did not marry a roomba.
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